Time

October 2nd, 2006. Where did the year go? It actually scares me that it is already October 2nd, 2006. Literally, I have a small fear in my stomach as I write this. How did it get so late?

Late in the year...wasn't I just planning Heather's bridal shower? Wasn't I just gallivanting around South Dakota with Mark? Wasn't I just announcing my engagement?

Late in the decade...wasn't I just in college, staying out way too late at night, probably drinking way too much Hooch and Smirnoff Ice, and making the best memories of my life? Wasn't I just a teenager, hanging out by bonfires on summer nights and going to proms and homecomings?

Even late in my life already...wasn't I just a small girl, playing with Barbies, having slumber parties and having tea parties on my parent's deck? Wasn't I just attending St. Charles School, playing basketball and cheerleading on winter Sundays?

And now, here I am. A bonafide adult. Before I knew it. I'm working 40 hours a week; I'm paying bills and worrying about savings, both short-term and for retirement; I'm getting married.

Life seems to be moving more and more quickly as time goes on. The older I get, the more time passes before I realize it. As children, we have the luxury of not worrying or caring about the passage of time. For children, time is an arbitrary and surreal idea. And it passes so slowly. Do you remember how long it took for your birthday to come every year? For Halloween? For Christmas? It seemed like FOREVER before Santa Claus would be visiting with gifts for good girls and boys. Children fill their time with fun and laughter and play.

As we get older, the fun and laughter and play is pushed aside as more time is made for worry and work and stress. We can't find the time or make the time to do things we enjoy, even little things like taking a walk with our significant other or going to lunch with a friend. When time is wasted or killed, we curse that we should have done something more significant with our time.

Lately, I've been thinking more and more about the passage of time in my own life. Like I said, it actually gives me little pangs of fear that 2006 is over 3/4 over. This past year has by far been the fastest of my life. I just didn't have enough time for the things that I wanted to do. And the things that I did do went by so quickly that I'm not sure I even enjoyed them as much as I possible could have.

This last idea is what I fear most. I look to my future - even just 5 years into it - and I see getting married, buying my first home, and having my first child. Is time going to pass by so quickly over the next 5 years that I don't even have time to enjoy these amazing moments in life? Am I going to be moving so fast into the future that I can't possibly revel in my joy in the present?

I am going to make the conscious decision to make the answer to those questions No. No, I will not rush through life and miss the wonder of it all. No, I will not allow time to move me ahead when I'm not yet ready to. No, I will not lose any joy just because time is at my back pushing me forward.

I will stop and enjoy. I will relax and let time pass me by if it wishes, while I stay put where I want to be. I will take in the mindset of children and pay no attention to time.

In my adult life, I will spend my time with fun and laughter and play.